TOUCH(C)
by
Andrea E. Henkel

I awake alone
Pressed against the cold wall
Holding my pillow
In a cold, small bed that seems too big
I force myself out,
Clutching sleep
Fighting consciousness and reality

In the shower I keep my eyes closed,
Fight to keep you there with me
And I can almost feel you behind me,
Feel your eyes on my bare back
I could always sense when you were near
Intense, like an animal sensing danger
And I remember the back scrubs,
The passionate sex, the loving embraces
Warm water running down our naked bodies

Now I sit in the shower
Head rest upon bent knees
The water rains down
Washes away the tears, numbs me
The waters turns cold,
Forces me to start another day
Knowing I'll see you, I do everyday
And we'll sit and smoke cigarettes as always
Our legs or elbows touch
And my senses overload
And every memory, every minute we spent together
Flashes through my head
Like life on the edge of death
And then you'll say something
And your voice will bring me back
To where there is nothing
But the painful awareness
Of the absence of your touch